When my NYU colleague Todd Cherches and I first met, we did not get off on the right foot. Todd was scheduled to teach right after me that semester, and liked to have an hour to prep. But that was not possible, given that there was only a half-hour separating the end of my class and the beginning of his. He wasn’t thrilled that I rarely ended a class early, and I wasn’t thrilled he was waiting outside the door for it to open.
We got past it, and I now consider Todd a friend with much in common. We’re both authors (Todd’s book, Visual Leadership, Leveraging the Power of Visual Thinking in Leadership and Life is a must read!), both spent time working in media, and each have our unique brands of humor. We support each other’s work and, on occasion, get a coffee and share stories. When we see a teachable moment, our shared New York roots compel us to say something.
So when Todd posted on LinkedIn this week about the unusual number of requests for favors he’d been getting from people he had not heard from in eons, I related. I’ve had a similar few weeks and - no surprise - more to say about this subject than can fit in a LinkedIn comment.
Networking is a two-way street
My friend Kelly Hoey is a recognized expert on networking and relationship building and is working on her next book on the subject. Kelly doesn’t just write and speak on the topic; she walks the walk. A generous person, she pays it forward. The result? If Kelly asks me for help, a review, a recommendation - you name it - I am there because I know she walks the walk.
The opposite of that are the people who ask me for a favor, to share their post, review their book, or make a connection for them, and have not so much as liked one of my social media posts. I may not remember what I did an hour ago, but I am a Scorpio. Those things I do not forget.
AI is there to help, not write your outreach for you
A year ago, after a meeting with the clients in my Real-World class, I suggested that each team write a thank-you email and copy me. A follow-up note after a meeting is a touchpoint, a recap of what transpired, and another, albeit simple step towards building a business relationship. It’s also a reminder that at the end of the day, we are humans connecting with other humans.
What happened was the opposite. The first one I read did not accomplish that. Neither did the second, third, or fourth. But what really struck me was that the language used in each email was almost identical. Nothing stood out. Nothing was specific to the individual meetings.
Like too many outreach emails or LinkedIn messages, they boasted all the tell-tale signs that AI was used to generate it, overflowing with flowery adjectives and language that would never come out of anyone’s mouth. Instead of making an impression - they bored.
That’s not how you build your business relationships or any relationships for that matter. And that’s not how you want to sound in a note in which you’re asking me or anyone else for help.
As I reminded my Real-World students that semester, you want to sound like a human - not Siri.
Networking is about planting seeds
Unfortunately, what too many forget is that it’s not enough to plant a seed. You need to water it, care for it, and feed it in order for it to grow into anything meaningful.
A former student of mine has a big job in San Francisco. She is a generous person by nature. She stays in touch, will often share one of my Substacks just because she wants to, and made it a point to reach out for lunch this past spring when she was in town. If she asked me for help, I would do whatever I could. She planted her seeds long ago, and they’ve taken root.
I’m not suggesting every connection has to be transactional. But if I have not heard from you in a year or four years (not making this up - it’s happened), don’t ask me for a favor, much less a recommendation. To paraphrase, the great Herb Cohen, I care - I really care - but not that much.
💭 If that doesn’t make sense, maybe this does:
🧵Threads reached 400M users, closing in on X via Social Media Today
🏆How Gavin Newsom trolled his way to the top of social media via Politico
🤔Fun Quiz: Which public behaviors do you find rude? via Pew Internet
📺 My guilty pleasure indulgence: binge-watching all 7 seasons of Younger on Netflix
My entire life has centered around genuine relationship building-of course you thank people. And of course, you personalize what you have to say...or why bother? The impact of writing a thank you amplifies tenfold, and , it feels really good.